Monday, September 12, 2005

I Can't Believe This...

No wait, that's a negative statement; must rephrase. I am shocked and awed at the determination of the PHB to push me out despite our shortness of staff. I stand truly amazed at her ability to find negativity in every sentence that comes out of my mouth, including the words "I'm sorry" and "I want to make this work." I'm impressed at the willingness of the other managers to go along with her on everything. I'm curious how much they're paying her and what else she does all day. OK, that one was negative again.

I'm also delirious with fever and in searing pain from an ear infection. I'm fairly certain my kids are worse off. I'm terrified of what will happen if I stay home tomorrow to take care of them.

I'm tired of having to watch every word I say and of having all my best efforts derided and belittled. I'm looking frantically for a new job. I'm not succeeding.

I'm emotionally and physically exhausted, and I'm going to bed now. Good night.


purpleelephant said...

Bleurgh! That all sounds so terrible! Hope you feel better soon both physically and emotionally. Keep searching for that ideal job and don't let the bastards grind you down!

Dorothy said...

Let them fire you and collect unemployment. Finish your novel and get your freelance edit/consulting business off the ground. I'm sure secret squirrel knowledge could be useful for others writing thriller novels. Consult online. File work comp on their butts for aggravation of your back and permanent partial disability because you have to be sedated just to work with them. Believe me honey, they want you to quit. Make them show you the door and you will be free. You'll be amazed at how far 80% can go when you don't have to put up with their crapola.

Visions of a winter snuggled up to your laptop, finishing your brilliant work, sipping hot cocoa in your comfortable clothes, wrapped in a comforter. Your little ones being able to have mom home and destressed. Your busy hubby being able to have a soft place to land while working his keister off to get through this semester. Just my opinion though. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I were you. Personally, I don't think they'll bite and actually fire you, they're just intrested in impressing on you that you should be grateful to have to take pain meds to work there. If they do bite though, it will be a blessing. This place is killing you.

Patry Francis said...

"Let them fire you and collect unemployment." Sounds like paradise to me.

Scone said...

It is pretty dreadful. Thanks, PE. It's getting to the point that I'm ready to believe I really am as awful as the PHB says. So I appreciate the encouragement.

As for collecting unemployment, I'm betting there's no chance of that if I actually get fired. I'm very much hoping they call it a layoff and give me severance pay, but in reality, it's closer to them handing me my severed head on a platter and kicking me out the door. I don't suppose they can disguise it as a layoff and still backfill the positions that will be open, so (at best) it will have to be just one of those "We consider it mutually beneficial to part ways" messages. I may sound negative, but I'm guessing there won't be any severance pay. I agree that they want me to quit, which is why I'm doing everything I can not to. But the thought of staying makes me sick at this point.

I will miss the laptop; it's the company's. Sometime before Monday, I need to offload my personal files and snag the email addresses of the people I want to keep in contact with professionally. Oh yes, and get well.

Jessica said...

Scone - I am sorry this is such a difficult time for you right now. I hope it begins looking up soon.