Thursday, February 22, 2007

Then and Now, Part 2

Man, that list looks nothing like I wanted it to. Reason #1 should have been on the list: my brain has been eaten by Percocet. I used to be intelligent, but no more. Other things that should have been on the list but aren't:
  • I used to have short curly hair; now it's long and straight because I can't afford an appointment with a hairdresser. (And here I'm including Fantastic Sam. Oy.)
  • I used to be able to count on getting a shower every morning. Now, not really.
  • I used to be able to get down on the floor and play with my kids. I don't remember the last time I could do that.
  • I used to have daycare and occasional evening babysitting so that I could feel like a human being and even go out with my husband every so often. Now: no.
  • I used to be able to drive. Heck, I'd been driving since 1984. Currently, my brain is permanently in a low-functioning state as if I'd been drinking alcohol. Only worse. No driving for me.
  • I used to be able to buy things I didn't absolutely need. Like lunch meat, pickles, makeup, books, and presents for the kids.

On the other hand, my family is eating better than we did when I was the breadwinner. The welfare food is plain and simple, but a lot of it is very good, and I never got to have ham or roast beef while I was paying for it myself. Also, two years ago, I had no real hope that my family would be together forever. Now I do, even if I have to fight for it every inch of the way. And two years ago, I was fed up with the schools here and was desperate to move away. Now our older kids are in the best school in the state, and Punkin Boy is primed and ready to join them.

So it ain't all bad.

3 comments:

Jen said...

Hugs. I feel your pain. Well, not *your* pain, exactly, but a similar sort of crappy daily pain that threatens to suck the joy out of life.

I don't think people realize how much energy is eaten up just in dealing with chronic pain. I'm glad for the painkillers, but they take a lot out of ya, too!

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Scone said...

I'm sure you're right about that, Jen. There's no way to know what chronic pain is like unless you've been there. I once put it to The Man like this: "Imagine you've got a low-grade flu-- your joints and muscles ache constantly, your head feels woozy, you're tired, and you'd really rather just go lie down until you feel better. Now imagine that's your entire life."

Hugs back atcha.

Jen said...

"Imagine you've got a low-grade flu-- your joints and muscles ache constantly, your head feels woozy, you're tired, and you'd really rather just go lie down until you feel better. Now imagine that's your entire life."


That sounds about right.