I'm irritable tonight. I spent my day half-conscious and in pain. When my kids and husband came home, I had about one hour of "feeling OK" time. Then I started coming unraveled. I got cranky at my family at dinner, and I can't seem to pull out of it. Each one of the kids was doing something that needed dealing with at the same time, I was starting to get a migraine, and in the middle of it all, The Man was trying to engage my attention in a lecture about Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan. I rather cynically observed that I wished I could be the college student. At that moment, I was serious. I was frustrated, I was angry, and I was just tired. I sat there with tears quietly running down my face, biting my tongue so I wouldn't say anything else. Except then #1 Son asked if he could have his fifth or sixth pancake and the words, "Sure, eat till you burst, see what I care" slipped out.
Gad. Who left me in charge of children? I've had these very long days (as opposed to the regular long days) for at least two weeks now, and I'm worn out. We're running low on food and money. I'm just worried. The job description for "full-time mom" includes, I'm sure, the fact that full-time means you work never-ending 24-hour shifts and you never ever get breaks, but somebody always forgets to mention that when you sign on. I love these punkins, I really do; I just wish I could get away from taking care of them once in a while.
So now I'm feeling guilty, TM never even joined us for dinner, the kids are misbehaving even worse, everything's rotten, and it's all my fault. Sigh... Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.
Hahaha haahahahaha ha ha ha ha. Ha.