Thursday, April 21, 2005

Whither the Scone?

Novelizing lately. (Yay!) And working, of course. And reading to the kids, and putting the kids to bed, and trying to stop the kids from falling on their heads or from re-editing the articles on my laptop while I'm catching someone else doing a somersault off the edge of my bed. In case you were wondering why I haven't posted much lately. Still. Again.

I took a very leisurely stroll around the yard today, snipping ragged rosebushes on my way. I should NOT have done this, no matter how badly they needed it. I absolutely killed my back. Killed. Ouch. Will never recover. Didn't take my meds on time, either, and that doubled it. Ouch, ouch, ouch...

The pirate boys have discovered that our deck is a pirate ship. Of course it is. I recognized it as soon as I saw it. Spent a lot of time outdoors this afternoon. It did most of me a lot of good. Just not my back. Looks like my lilacs might actually bloom this year, finally. As long as no one mows them again. (Yeah, like anyone's going to mow our lawn this year.)

And I wanted to clarify, at least for Kory, that I do think that #1 Son is quite intelligent and that if he pays attention and works hard, he'll do fine in life. Probably. I do worry about what he's inherited from his mother. It's not his fault; he's a great kid. It's just a fact of genetics that he's got some handicaps to overcome. Dyslexia is one of them, but I'm not sure the other kids don't have that, too. He has to work harder at learning than his brothers do, for whatever reason. When I said "passing him" I meant that they're reaching certain milestones earlier than he did. OK, all milestones. But he can still beat Pirate Boy at chess 9 times out of 10 and is way beyond both of them with his times tables. He's doing fine.

Still, I worry. Mostly, I worry about my ability to effectively parent a "normal" kid-- and by this I mean one who's a good reader, is interested in science, and whose personal best is a B+ in fourth grade. Which is fine. Fine, really! Honest. Argh. My parents always expected me to get A's, and I did, so I don't have a real frame of reference or an example to learn from. I'm much more comfortable dealing with prodigies than I am with a perfectly good "above average" kid. I feel awful about it. Rotten. I wish I could convey in a loving way that when I just keep my mouth shut about his achievements, it's because I'm defective in appreciating them. It wouldn't help. I always suspect he can do better.

I'm such a jerk, I know. Maybe I'm not a "real" mom after all...

3 comments:

Jack said...

And apparently too hard on yourself, to boot. Just to add one more flaw to the list :)

You're human. You love the kids, you want the best for them. They'll understand . . . eventually if not right away.

Kory O said...

Scone, didn't mean it to be a rebuke. I was trying to reassure you and I guess I failed.

Me little brother was one of those "B+ to A- as a personal best" kids. As a matter of fact....so was I, because of a little bit of funny wiring in the head, and because after a while I just wasn't that interested in school.

I just hope that when/if me & the Tsar have kids that I'm half as good a mom as you. Honest. Son #1 is a good kid, and that's due in no small part to you.

Scone said...

I hope so, Jack. I've watched Paul's boys, and they don't seem to value the right things, even now. So I worry.

's OK, Kory. I'm pretty critical of everyone, including myself. I waver between knowing I can do better, and fearing that I can't. I am really lucky to have the brilliant and beautiful offspring that I have, and I know it. (Despite all the horror stories, I wouldn't trade them in for a Lexus. Don't ask about the Hummer.)