Friday, November 11, 2005

What's Wrong With Me, Anyway?

I don't know why I'm writing this. I only have a few minutes before I have to go pick up the kids. Somehow, I've got to get food ready for my writers group banquet tonight right about the same time as I need to be picking up The Man from the bus stop. (I feel really rotten that he won't be able to go for the first time in 5 years.) I'll have to just dump everyone and leave, and I won't be home until after the kids' bedtime, and I haven't written on my novel today, and...

I have something weird in my breast tissue.

I had a second mammogram today because the first one showed an "anomaly" (whatever). The perky technician came back in after showing today's results to the doctor and with a smile told me that I was done. I almost stopped listening at that point, but it's a good thing I didn't because she went on to say that I'd have to come back later for an ultrasound--nothing to worry about, no big deal, the doctors had wanted to do it anyway... Sure, fine, OK. I'll schedule that later. I was fine, too, until she went out. Then I burst into tears like an idiot.

So here I am, just sure I feel something weird in there, trying to tell myself that just because this same thing happened to my mom and hers turned out to be nasty it doesn't mean that it will be the same for me (sure it won't), and feeling guilty for worrying about how much it will cost, since we're still bringing in very little money and Christmas is coming. And tonight I get to hang out with a bunch of wealthy people who will wonder what on earth is wrong with me.

8 comments:

Malnurtured Snay said...

I hope it turns out to be nothing important, or that if it is, they're able to take care of it before it spreads.

purpleelephant said...

Thinking of you. I wish I could pull figres off the top of my head but I do know that a grand percentage of these things turn out to be nothing, and if they are not then they are usually in the early stages and can be caught early with no pobs.
Hope your writers group went OK.

Jack said...

What's "wrong" with you couldn't just be stress could it? I understand stress can wreak havoc on hormonal production and release, and it certainly sounds like you've got enough going on that just the quantity would stress me. Some people handle "busy" better than others, though, so I'm just throwing it out there for consideration.

More than just busy, though, is the quality of the busy: health, money, ex. Big stressors.

lchan said...

Any news?

I think over 80% of these things turn out to be benign. Let us know when you know.

Kory O said...

Aw, jeez, Snooze....at least most of them turn out to be absolutely nuthin'. I hope yours does, too.

Hang in there, lady....you are tougher than you give yourself credit for. ;)

Scone said...

Thanks, all. No news yet, but I'll call this afternoon if they don't call me first.

PE: My writers group banquet went very well. Our speaker was a local novelist who gave me some pointers I really needed right now. And I won the grand prize for the year-- for accomplishing so much despite all the crud I've been dealing with. ;-)

Jack said...

hey, congrats! They must not think there's something wrong you after all.

Dorothy said...

It probably is nothing. People just have to be especially sensitive because of the history, but, it is probably nothing more than a localized physical manifestation of all of stressors in your life at this juncture. When the boy was born, he had a rather large spot on his arm where all of the histamine cells congregated. It swelled up at the slightest irritation.The doctors had never seen one that large, and even brought in all of the Dr's in the hospital to take a peek. Bet it's something like that. I wonder if a chill pill will help. Or chocolate. Yeah, chocolate. That should do it. Oh, and sleep. Sleep and chocolate. Oh, and a nice blankey. Sleep, chocolate, and a nice blankey. Of course, you need quiet. So quiet, sleep, chocolate, and a nice blankey.