Saturday, October 13, 2007

Gimme an "E"!

I've been having kind of a rough time lately, as you can probably tell. Crying a lot, very confused about what to do next. But slowly, I'm recovering. For example, I've managed to get my eyelids to a more normal shape and color recently. What it took was a little help. When I needed to confront the problems in my first marriage, I had Tank Girl. This time, I saw the light one day when Punkin was watching this:

Helen: [sobbing] Now I'm losing him! What'll I do? What'll I do?
Edna: What are you talking about?
Helen: [stops crying] Huh?
Edna: [shouts] You are Elastigirl! My God...
[swatting Helen with a newspaper]
Edna: Pull-yourself-together! "What will you do?" Is this a question? You will show him that you remember that he is Mr. Incredible, and you will remind him who *you* are. Well, you know where he is. Go, confront the problem. Fight! Win!
[normal voice]
Edna: And call me when you get back, darling. I enjoy our visits.

I love E. She's so cool. I have managed to mostly snap out of it, though I still do have these crying jags. But all day, these words go through my head: "Remind him who you are!" Too bad that who he is is apparently kind of a jerk these days.


Renee said...

Praying for you and your family.

Jen said...

I'm glad that E is working for you. I love that movie!

I also loved seeing Sylvia's comment on the post you linked to. She kicks butt! I'm glad she's got your back.

Hugs to you, you are in my prayers.

Jack said...

Hey, it's been a while since I stopped in, but I was thinking of you today. My oldest is frustrated with his language arts class and was desperately trying to convince me that learning how to write is is a stupid, worthless waste of his time. Time I guess he thinks would be better spent . . . oh I don't know . . . playing Star Wars Battlefront: Renegade Squadron on his PSP, maybe. It was a fun conversation. I keep thinking about your comment about that job you had "teaching the monkeys [you] work with how to write a coherent sentence in their native language." Man. Classic description. I still laugh when I think about it.

I'm sorry to hear about the family issues. I sincerely hope there's nothing more to them than TM deciding church is a dumb waste of time (paraphrased). I also sorta' hope you don't really think he's kind of a stupid jerk just for rejecting church. Obviously, if there's more to it than that, well, maybe he is a stupid jerk. I hardly know the guy, right? I certainly don't know anything about the situation other than what you've written here. But the religion thing? Becky really struggles with church, too. It's frustrating, but it's part of who she is. I guess I've just come to accept the complexity.

Of course, I agree with you that it's unwise to reject god. Kind of hubristic of TM to think he knows so much that he doesn't need a little faith. But pride isn't exactly a flaw I hold high enough ground to lecture on, know what I mean? I could certainly use more humility myself. At least, that's what Becky tells me. Mostly it's just kinda' sad that TM could have felt the touch of the spirit and has forgotten it or dismissed it or rationalized it away or whatever. Not much anyone can do about that. Personal responsibility and all.

Is he still TM, though? The guy you married? Does he still have the traits you married him for? Is it possible that he's not so much a stupid jerk as it is that he's just caustically rejected something you value? Or I dunno', if you treat something your wife values caustically, maybe it does make you a jerk.

The bottom line is, I hope you're okay. I hope your family is okay. I'll check in more often for news and I'll be praying for you, too.


Scone said...

Hey, Jack; I've missed you. I wasn't going to post this on here, but I guess it may be time. I have tried to make it quite clear to him, though I'm not sure the message has yet gotten through, that although I'm disappointed that he has rejected the Church, it wasn't a big deal before he decided to join, so it didn't have to be a big deal ever. The real issue I have is that he tells me that it's all been a lie. He never believed any of it; just lied to the bishop, the missionaries, the stake president, the mission president, the Lord, me and our children. All lies.

And no, he isn't TM anymore, or I can't be sure he is. Lots more lies, lots of cruelty, lots of stony cold silence and lack of communication. That's nothing like what we had for the first 9 years. And it's not what I want now.

jack said...

Oh man. That's a shame. That must be tough.

"Stupid jerk" seems a lot more applicable now.

I'm really sorry.